Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's prominent hosts spent their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that allows international individuals to buy U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. A government website guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.